


Let Me Go With You

by SwanQueenRainbow



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27635234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwanQueenRainbow/pseuds/SwanQueenRainbow
Summary: On the green lawn are laying withered leaves yellowed by the autumn, some of them are moved by the light wind that blows moving the trees that are surrounding the area.There’s an unnatural light; so strong that it seems to have absorbed the sky and the edge of the trees.The weirdest thing tho, it’s the atmosphere; it is surreal, biting, it nearly gives me goosebumps, it feels like I am inside a bubble inside of which time seems not to exist.And in the center of this bubble, on a big brown-and-white-checkered wool blanket, there’s my Clarke.Her presence creates a joy that warms my heart and illuminates my face with a smile.I get on the blanket and lay close to her.She turns to look at me.A warm smile grows on my lips.Seeing her is almost painful; a sharp pain that sticks to the heart, as much light as it is disturbing.I’m afraid.I’m afraid that she is going to vanish.I’m afraid that she is going to vanish and there will be nothing I can do about it.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Let Me Go With You

On the green lawn are laying withered leaves yellowed by the autumn, some of them are moved by the light wind that blows moving the trees that are surrounding the area.

There’s an unnatural light; so strong that it seems to have absorbed the sky and the edge of the trees.

The weirdest thing tho, it’s the atmosphere; it is surreal, biting, it nearly gives me goosebumps, it feels like I am inside a bubble inside of which time seems not to exist.

And in the center of this bubble, on a big brown-and-white-checkered wool blanket, there’s my Clarke.

Her presence creates a joy that warms my heart and illuminates my face with a smile.

I get on the blanket and lay close to her.

She turns to look at me.

A warm smile grows on my lips.

Seeing her is almost painful; a sharp pain that sticks to the heart, as much light as it is disturbing.

I’m afraid.

I’m afraid that she is going to vanish.

I’m afraid that she is going to vanish and there will be nothing I can do about it.

Clarke doesn’t seem to notice my fears as she leans her face closer to mine, putting her lips on mine.

It is a brief kiss, ours, a simple brushing of lips; a delicate moment that I wish could last forever.

“You’re here” I say when we get back to gazing at each other.

I smile, she truly is too gorgeous, my heart is breaking.

“I’m here” she says.

For a moment we remain in silence losing ourselves in each other’s eyes, almost as if we could see the universe through them.

“I cannot stay, you know that, right?” she says and the pain gets a little bit more intense.

I don’t want to talk about it.

I don’t want to accept it.

“Do you remember how we first met?” I ask to change the subject.

By Clarke’s look, I know that she has understood that I want to change the subject but she lets it slide and says: ”How could I forget, that moment has changed my life”.

She smiles.

I smile too.

History is proceeding as boring as ever, between a sloppy note and the other I really can’t seem to get distracted.

Someone knocks at the door: nothing new, surely it's just the curb monitor with some notifications.

“Come in” says the teacher and I look at the door.

A girl comes in: she is just a little bit taller than me, she is wearing boots, tights, short frayed jeans, and a shirt with long sleeves all completely black; she has green eyes and long dark-brown hair.

Her hair is made into a half ponytail with two little braids that start at the top of her head, the rest of it goes down in delicate waves that arrive around ten centimeters past the shoulders; anybody with that hairstyle would look a bit weird, but not her.

She looks like the most badass and seductive warrior of them all.

“Ah, you must be the new student: what’s your name?” asks the professor.

“Lexa” says the new girl, her voice trembles a little because of the emotion.

She is shy, you can see that in the way she holds her books in her arms, as if they could give her confidence; you can see it in the way she looks at her shoes, as if that was the prettiest pair in the world.

She doesn’t behave at all like a warrior and yet I can’t help but imagine her with a mantle torn by many battles that fall off her shoulders and. A word in hand that is slightly stained by clogged blood.

“Well Lexa, you can sit at that disk over there” says the teacher pointing at the empty one next to mine.

Lexa heads to the disk and sits next to me.

The entire way I can’t help but follow her with my eyes capturing her every move, even the most imperceptible ones.

If up until two seconds ago the classroom was pretty dark, now it’s not anymore.

She isn’t just bright, she doesn’t limit to glow: she is pure light, a star that illuminates the whole universe around herself.

The lesson continues and if I didn't listen to it before now I don’t even try, Busy as I am observing Lexa and quickly looking away when she notices it.

Lexa.

It’s a lovely name.

It has a lovely sound.

I think it’s the loveliest sound that I have ever heard.

“I was already crazy about you, and I didn't even realize it” says Clarke.

“Don’t be so hard, you thought you were straight, you never thought you’d be wrong” I say to her smiling.

“Yeah” she answers lingering a bit.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I say with a delicate voice trying to lift her face so that she is looking at me.

“It’s just that I think that if I understood things sooner we wouldn’t be in this situation right now, I wouldn’t have to leave” she confesses and everything around us gets cold.

I wanted to reassure my girlfriend that I love her, make her understand that it’s not her fault but those words, ‘have to leave’ tighten me up, they make me look at the world as if it had lost all the warm colors.

I can’t do it, it’s stronger than me, I can’t believe that she has to leave sooner or later, I can’t accept it.

“It’s not your fault” I manage to say, even if not as reassuring as I’d like to sound.

For some moments we remain in silence, without looking at each other, I don’t want to talk about it and she wants me to be the first to touch the subject.

“Have I ever talked to you about when I came back home after my first day in the new school?” I say hoping to change the subject, for good this time.

Silence follows.

“You don’t wanna talk about it, do you?” Clarke asks looking me straight in the eye.

“No” I answer looking down, the pain grows a little bit stronger.

“Fine” she says and looks at her in a silent gesture of gratitude.

We spend the next few seconds looking into each other’s eyes trying to reassure one another.

“So, what is it that you wanted to tell me? About when you got home the day we first met?” she asks abruptly bursting the bubble of silence that created itself around us taking us back to reality.

“Ehm…yeah” I say getting back to reality.

DRIIIIIN.

The bell rings declaring the end of the lessons.

I get out of school and head home.

The entire way I only think about the girl that was sitting next to me.

I noticed her as I got in the classroom, when she laid her eyes on me.

I’ve noticed her long, blonde hair, slightly longer than mine and not entirely straight.

I’ve noticed her topknot stopped with a rubber band behind her head and how these locks were very well defined.

I’ve noticed her blue eyes.

I’ve noticed her posture: she looked like a lioness.

A lioness that studies you thoroughly deciding what to do with you.

I felt her eyes on me every step I made toward the desk next to her.

It was pleasurable, electrifying, it made me feel special in a way.

The whole lesson she kept looking at me and I kept trying to eliminate the spontaneous smile that her behavior provoked illuminating my face every time.

Sometimes I’d looked in her direction and while she pretended to be uninterested I took the chance to admire her.

I tended to do it rarely, I didn’t want her to stop looking at me, but I didn’t wanna stop looking at her either.

She was too gorgeous, breathtaking.

“She truly is spectacular” I think out loud walking in the living room.

“Who’s spectacular?” asks my mother’s voice, making me realize that I’ve spoken.

“Nobody” I answer immediately, mentally damning myself for letting that thought slip my lips.

“You’re sure about that?” my mother asks curiously.

“Yes” I answer, hoping she’ll let this one go.

I love my mother, but when it comes to my private life she gets too nosy for my taste.

“You’ve found a girl that you like?” she asks even more curious, sitting on the living room’s table.

“No I didn’t!” 

“Sure about that?” she asks with the tone of voice of someone who knows she is being lied to.

“Yep” I say running into my bedroom.

“I don’t believe you!” she says in a singsong voice as I shut the door behind me.

I blush and involuntarily smile thinking about that girl and what my mother has said, maybe she is right.

I throw myself on the bed with that involuntary smile still printed on my face, not bad for a first day.

Clarke chuckles and smiles.

“Why are you smiling?” I ask smiling as well.

“Because I’m trying to imagine what you look like when you’re embarrassed” she answers distracted by a lock of my hair she is playing with.

“As if you've never seen me embarrassed. Do you remember we spoke to each other?” 

It’s recess and me and my friends are talking by the lockers.

I’m barely listening to what they’re saying, I simply laugh at their jokes, even tho they are more stupid than funny, really.

Leaning against a locker a bit bored I look around me, until something, or better, someone catches my attention.

Just outside the history classroom I find Lexa.

She is looking around herself disoriented, she is adorable.

I don’t know why but I feel the need to go talk to her.

Instinctively I split from my group and, ignoring Bellamy, Octavia, Raven and Murphy’s ‘Hey? Where are you going?’ ‘Clarke where are you heading to?’ ‘Ehm, Clarke?’ ‘Hello?! Are you listening?’, I go to her.

Only when she says: “Ehm, hi” with that beautiful smile that she uses to hide her embarrassment I realize that I don’t know what to say.

“Hi, I’m Clarke” I say, maybe smiling a little too much than necessary.

“I’m Lexa” she says embarrassed.

“I know, you’ve said it yesterday when you presented yourself to the class” I say while smiling, I don’t know why, it’s just that being with her makes me so happy.

Since neither of us seems to know what to say, between us silence falls and slowly my smile disappears as I get infected by the embarrassment that hovers between us.

“So, have they already given you the school tour?” I ask the first thing that comes to my mind in fear of her deciding to leave.

“Yes” she answers immediately.

Her speedy response kind of hurts me, it feels as if she wants me gone as fast as I can.

Seeing the look on my face she hurries to say: ”I mean no. Nobody has shown me around lately. I’ve just said yes so that I could send you away - she realizes what she has just said and opens her eyes wide - no wait that’s not what I wanted to say. I’ve expressed myself wrong. I wanted to say that ehm-I mean-I…ehm” noticing that my expression doesn’t seem to change she panics and starts saying every word wrong as she full-on blushes.

She is really beautiful.

The sight of Lexa dying of shame biting her nails creates a sweet smile on my lips.

“No need to worry, I get. What you were trying to say is that you usually try to send people away because you are shy and don’t know what to say and that's why answered yes, spontaneous riflex” 

She looks at me bashfully and seems to start relaxing.

“Yes, precisely” she hints a smile, by the tone of her voice she almost seems surprised that I've understood.

We remain in silence while unawarely looking at each other, as if we were doing it for the first time.

“So, are you still interested in the school tour?” I ask to break the silence since it was starting to make me feel weird.

“Ehm, yes sure” she says, without taking her eyes off of me.

“Perfect” I say smiling and without thinking about it I take her hand and bring Lexa with me.

“You saved my Life that day, you know?” Isay losing myself in the blue of her eyes while playing with one of her blonde locks, between our bodies the distance is almost erased.

“Your life? More like your grades, I might say!” she makes fun of me, on her lips a smile a little bit amused, but also sweet.

“It’s not true!” I exclaim amused.

“Yeah, and I’ve never tutored you in basically every subject!” 

“Exaggerated!” 

“Calculus, natural science, biologie, trigonometry, history…” she counts them with her fingers.

“Okay, fine those were a lot of subjects but I didn't really need help with history” I point out.

“But then why have you asked me for help with it?” she asks, curious.

“Because I wanted an excuse to see you as often as I could” I reveal embarrassed and worried about looking desperate.

“Really? That’s so cute” she melts into the sweetest smile.

“You really think that?” I ask hesitantly, just to be sure.

“Yes, I really think that” she says slightly nodding as she leans over to kiss me.

Our lips met and it is relief for the both of us, everything gets lighter and, for a few seconds, bearable.

When the kiss ends we get back to silenti looking at each other, on her face a wily smile.

“Anyways, seriously: that day, when you became my friend, you saved my life” I say, delicately putting a lock of her hair behind her ear.

“But you’ll admit that you have a problem with the scientific subjects, right?” she asks starting to laugh.

“Look at her so amused while making fun of me!” I exclaim almost laughing myself.

“In my defense, one must admit…one must admit that those are really impossible subjects!” I exclaim in between laughs.

“Oh c’mon! Those are the easiest ones!” she defends her favorite subjects while she keeps laughing.

“Easy for you to say, your mother is a surgeon, you are facilitated!” I say as I laugh but she stops abruptly.

“Sorry, I didn’t think” I say serious realizing what I’ve said.

“It’s nothing, really” she says, but her voice tells me otherwise.

“Seriously, you have no idea how sorry I am” I apologize again, suddenly everything around us gets dark, sad and cold.

“Do you remember when I tutored you at your place for your biology test in december?” she asks, now she is with something that she doesn’t want to talk about.

“Of course” I say and smile at the memory.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” she asks, on her face the littlest hint of a smile.

Today I’m happy.

Seriously, I couldn’t be happier and nothing and nobody could ever ruin my mood.

Today Clarke is coming to my house to tutor me in biology.

In the past months we’ve always met at school but today, since we got out at lunch time, I’ve finally worked up the courage and asked to come to my place.

And she said yes!

Do we realize that? She said yes!

Right now Clarke Griffin is walking next to me on the sidewalk heading to my home to spend the whole afternoon there.

Incredible.

“Why are you smiling like that?” she asks me with a sweet smile.

“No reason” I say, trying to turn off my ear-to-ear smile unsuccessfully.

The girl I like is coming to my place.

Yep, in three months only yours truly managed to develop The biggest crush on this blondie right here.

And now that same blondie is coming home with me!

I cannot believe it!

Happier than ever I put the key in the lock and open the door.

“Hi, sweetie! How was your day?” my mother asks from the kitchen.

“It went well. I brought a friend over, is that alright?” I ask, my mother is usually fine with things like this one but it is always better to ask.

“No problem. Another portion of fries and stare coming right up” 

“Where do I put these?” Clarke asks referring to the jacket and the backpack.

“Oh, give them to me, I’ll take care of them. You take a seat, please” I say taking her things and treating them as if they were the most precious possessions on the planet.

“Thank you” she says; a small, sweet beautiful smile appeares on her lips.

I look at her enchanted.

She is breathtaking.

“Thanks to you” I say in adorazione holding her thing on my chest.

“For what?” she asks slightly confused, but smiling amused.

“What?! Eh?! What?! Nothing!” I exclaim realizing that I’ve thanked her out loud and running away blushing.

Once her things are in my room and my face is back in its natural color I go back to the living room.

I sit next to her and we smile at each other.

“There you go” says my mother as she serves our meal.

“Thanks” we say at once.

“So, she is ‘that girl’, isn’t she?” asks my mother, her eyes are saying ‘that girl that you like’.

“Yes, she is” I say, trying to ride the embarrassment and the fear that Clarke might understand what my mother is referring to.

“What do you mean with ‘that girl’?” Clarke asks, from her tone I can see that she is trying to hide the surprise of seeing my mother; a classic reaction that all of my friends have had the first time they saw her.

“You are Lexa’s new friend, my daughter talks about you all the time, it almost feels like I already know you” explains my mother.

“Mom!” I exclaim slightly embarrassed.

My mother chuckles and then says: “Fine, I’ll leave you two alone, I have to go grocery shopping”.

She takes the bags and goes out saying bye as we reciprocate the salute.

“But-but your mother is…” Clarke is speechless.

“…gorgeous? I know, with that blonde hair and those green eyes, I got them from her, you know?” I tease her, I know that’s not what she’s referring to.

“She is so young!” she exclaims beyond incredulous.

“I know, she is thirty-one” 

“THIRTY-ONE?! But how’s that possible?!” Clarke really doesn’t seem to be able to reason with it.

“She had me when she was fifthteen years old” 

“Really?” she asks starting to process it.

“Yes, and her parents kicked her to the curb the moment they heard the news” 

“I’m sorry”

“Don’t be, both me and my mother got a best friend out of it” I say a little bit Lost in the memories.

“Really?” she says smiling.

“Yes, we are really close, inseparable. Seriously, we talk about everything with each other, we are more sisters than mother and daughter” I explain while in my mind all of the positive memories I have with my mother play out.

I look at her and say: “Now you’re probably thinking that I am a loser” trying to ride the growing embarrassment.

“No, actually. I think that’s really beautiful” her tone is as sweet as her smile.

My face illuminates with a smile.

She really is perfect.

After lunch we put the plates away, technically I wanted to do it all by myself but Clarke insisted, and then we go into my bedroom to study.

“You must really like candles” she says noticing my Yankee Candles collection spread all over the room.

“Yes and I adore lighting them up to she how they illuminate the room” 

“You’re amazing, I adore you” she says, and my heart skips a beat.

After a while we start doing homework and we spend the afternoon with her explaining biology and me feeling my heart beats faster every time we touch or look at eachother.

“So, is everything clearer now?” she asks.

“Yes” I say, my eyes on her lips.

The whole time I've tried to restrain myself from looking at them but the more she talks the less I can keep doing it.

It’s inevitable, the more I look at her lips the more I want to kiss her.

“Then I think that’s it for today, we’ve worked the whole afternoon” I say, biology is really boring.

Even though I must admit that I’d go through fifty more hours just to stay with her.

“Fine, we can stop” she says and I put away the books.

“Listen, there’s something I wanted to ask you” she says while I close the pencil case.

“What?” I stop to look at her.

“When your mother said that you always talk to her about me. What ehm, what do you say to her exactly?” she asks hesitantly.

I could say whatever I want, I could tell her that I tell her every single detail of the time we spend together; which would be the truth, but not all of it.

I don’t really know the reason why I’m doing this, I’m simply following my instincts.

It’s the instinct that gives me the courage to slowly get closer to her until our chests are basically against each other.

My lips lean on hers, it feels like time has suddenly stopped and we are at the center of a silent universe made just for the two of us, then she timidly opens up her lips and inside my chest and all around us everything semi to explode in a symphony of light and colors.

When the kiss ends I reopen my eyes while slowly moving a few centimeters away from her.

We are both looking at each other, almost breathless while still enjoying that beautiful sensation that’s still on our lips.

We stay like this, silenti looking at each other with a smile, sweet hers and shy mine, smile.

“All better now?” I ask twisting one of her locks around one of my fingers.

“Yes, it’s fine now, that’s a really good memory” she answers, my story has lifted her spirits up a bit.

I’d like to apologize again but I know that this would only sadden her so I decide to concentrate on something positive.

“You’re right, but not as much as our first date” I say and start to tell her about it.

Using the inside camera of my phone to clean myself up for the very last time and I put the hand with the rose behind my back before knocking at the door.

After the kiss Clarke and I have decided to take things slow, to keep things between us and maybe going out sometimes to see what’s really between us,so today I am taking her out to dinner.

“You’re beautiful” she says as she opens the door and making me blush.

“You are so elegant, I don’t have clothes like that, I’ll make you look bad” she says and looks down on herself with a slightly embarrassed smile; fact is that while I’m wearing black short boots and a sleeveless, knee-length, simple, black dress, a necklace with a little diamond pendent and a light make up she is wearing short boots, dark blue leggins and a petrolio blue shirt with long sleeves and a V-neckline.

“Too me you are gorgeous” I say, unable to stop admiring her.

“Thank you” she says and for one she is the one blushing.

“What have you got back there?” she says noticing my hand is behind my back.

“Oh, right! I’ve forgotten about it! Here it is’ I say giving her the red rose.

She takes it and then, holding it by the end of the stalk, she brings it closer to her cose to delicately smell it.

“Thank you, baita moment, I’ll go put it in a vase” she says and goes back in the appartement.

She handles my rose like it’s the most precious thing in the world, I must be in heaven!

“All done, where are we headed?” she asks, locking up the apartment.

“Well, I know that your favorite food is sushi so I did some research and, would you look at that, they just opened a new one here in Seattle” I smile proud of the fruit of my research.

“But you’ll have to teach me how to use the chopsticks because I have never eaten sushi before” I add while we’re walking.

Once we've arrived the waiter sits us at a table for two.

Once I take a seat Clarke, who in theory was supposed to sit in front of me, moves her place next to me.

“I didn't like all that distance” she justifies herself while sitting.

A gigantic smile appears on my face, could things be better than this?

During dinner we talk about everything, we laugh, we make jokes, here and there we look at eachother, we casually touch each other; meanwhile Clarke is trying to explain to me how to use chopsticks but I fail every time drooping the Fish into the soy sauce so many times that she is forced to feed me at one point.

“Okay, now take the sushi between the chopsticks and then, slowly!, take it to your mouth” she says already with a hand in place to take the nigiri if necessary.

We both remain silent as I make yet another attempt, as if I was defusing a bomb.

“Bravo!” she says clapping her hands when I manage to eat the sushi without dropping it.

I laugh and almost choke, which makes her burst into laughter.

...  
“Okay, we have arrived” I say in front of her apartment.

The evening was amazing, the best one of my life, I wish it didn’t have to end.

“I really enjoyed myself tonight, you know” she says look at me in the eyes and smiling. 

“Me too” I reciprocate the smile.

We stay in silence, neither of us really knowing what to do or to say until Clarke takes the initiative.

She gets closer and kisses me.

At the beginning I’m so blown away that I can’t even move but then I regain control of myself and everything gets beautiful.

I knew the evening had gone well, but she wanted to take things slow, I thought that I had to wait for the second, maybe even third, appointment to hope for a second kiss.

When the kiss ends she pulls away, her intense gaze chained to mine.

“Why this kiss?” I ask smiling.

“Do you remember when I asked for time to understand? I don’t need it anymore. I like you Lexa, I really like you. I want to be with you” 

“You do?” I ask unable to believe her words.

“As long as you want it too” she asks, thinking about a negative response from me.

“I do, I want to be with you” 

We smile and this time I kiss her.

When she closes the door behind herself I start to jump up and down from joy.

BEST.NIGHT.EVER.!

“You know that nobody had ever given me a rose before?” 

“Not even Finn? From what you’ve told me he must have been really into the mushy stuff” 

“No, he wasn’t the type. You on the other hand have been a very sweet girlfriend, I Wish I had been the same to you” she says getting sad.

“That’s not true! You too were sweet. Don’t you remember the gift that you gave me on our first month anniversary?” 

Clarke and I are walking hand in hand in Seattle’s city center.

We’ve just finished eating at McDonald’s and now we are enjoying some time together like two normal girlfriends.

We’ve been together for almost a month now and yet still, sometimes, I struggle to believe that this is all true.

I mean: I’m the new girl, the shy one, the nobody, the girl nobody knows; Clarke on the other hand seems to be known by everybody.

The fact that she has noticed me at all is incredible, things like this only happen in movies.

Wednesday we Will have been together for exactly one month, we Will go eat sushi in the restaurant from our first date.

I’ve even bought her a gift, I’ve used my savings to Buy a necklace with a little red rose made of glass as a pendant.

“Wanna go inside?” Clarke asks, stopping in front of a phone case store.

“Yeah, why not” I answer and we go in.

We observe amazed the walls full of phone cases with unicorns, french frieses, icecreams, flamingos and the more the merrier.

“I hate that phone case” I say pointing at the ones with ‘He’s mine’ ‘She’s mine’ and the Mickey mouse’s hand pointing at each other printed on them.

“Why?”

“Because I’ve always wanted to buy them but they will never make a gay version of them and two ‘she’s mine’ phone cases wouldn’t make sense because it wouldn’t have the same effect ‘cause of the hand>>

WEDNESDAY

“Listen, I’ve bought you a gift” I say pulling out a little plastic bag and giving it to her.

She opens it and I wait in silence for her to see it hoping that she likes it.

“Oh, Lexa! It’s beautiful!” she says, by the tone of her voice and her expression I know that I’ve moved her.

“Thank you” she leaves a tender kiss on my lips.

“I’ve got something for you too” 

She takes out a little bag and gives it to me.

“Oh My God!” I say the moment I see it.

“I knew how much you wanted one of these”

Tears come up for the emotion.

Clarke has given me a phone ‘He’s mine’ phone case with a lgbt-flag-colored S painted next to the H.

“Clarke, this is beautiful!” I exclaim, making a big smile while trying to hold back the tears while I put the case on my phone.

“And also it matches mine” she says putting her phone next to mine.

Seeing our phone cases with ‘she’s mine’ written on it, the Rainbow S on mine and the Mickey Mouse’s hand pointing at each other I can;’t hold the tears.

I don’t think I have ever been this happy.

Everything is so perfect.

The phone cases are so perfect. 

She is so perfect.

I hug and kiss her.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” I say leaving her a little kiss between a thank you and the other.

“Yeah, I’ll admit it: that really was sweet” she says smiling.

“I don’t think I’ll ever change the phone case” I say with a smile.

“You better, it has taken a lot of effort making it” she says with a grin while getting closer to kiss me.

“…and diving 15 by three you get x squared!” I exclaim enthusiast because I’ve finally understood second grade equations.

“Good, that’s it for today” she announces.

“So is your house always empty?” I finish the discussion started before doing homework.

“Yes, my mother barely even goes here, she is always a the Hospital, I’m lucky to know what she looks like” she says, hinting at a laugh almost as to hide the sadness that she really feels.

“And what about your father?” 

“He couldn’t stand the fact that my mother is married to her work as a neurological surgeon so he left when I was four” she answers still trying to ride the sadness.

“I’m sorry” I say suffering to see her like that.

“Don’t be, it’s nothing, truly” she says, but that’s not true.

“Don’t do that, I can understand when you're lying. You can’t let your mother ignore you like that, I think that to have to talk to your mother and tell her clearly the you want a relationship with her, don’t just give up”

“It wouldn’t change anything, she loves her work too much to spear more than five minutes a day” she says desolate, she is looking down, her hands are on her legs.

“I think it will, actually” I say taking one of her hands and smiling at her to infuse hope in her.

<> she asks, a little smile shows up on her slightly tearful face.

<> I say and her smile gets a little brighter.

...

“I think it’s time for me to go” I say standing up from the chair.

“Already? What time is it?” she asks, her tone of voice invites me to stay.

“It’s six o’clock, it’s getting late” I say looking at the time on her alarm clock.

We remain in silence one in front of the other.

We both want me to stay.

We are both waiting for the other to ask first.

From time to time we look at each other, an invite to make a move.

At some point Clarke gets closer to me, she gently pleases a hand on the back of my head and kisses me.

A move that takes me by surprise, I didn’t expect her to make the first move.

The moment that a second seemed just like any other now it’s not anymore.

I don’t know why.

We’ve already kissed before, many times, but this one feels different.

This is one of those kisses you Wish they never ended, one of those moments you wish could last forever.

I answer with a kiss.

It seems like I’m breathing again after being underwater for so long.

Every breath that I take I want more air, it’s never enough.

With every kiss I want one more.

Clarke’s hands slide along my body down to my hips, her touch is delicate but electrifying.

She grabs the edge of my shirt and her fingers brush my skin.

She pulls up the shirt and our lips part for a brief moment as she takes off my garment.

We let it fall to the ground as I initiate our kiss.

The more we kiss the more a connection is created between us.

There’s no awkwardness, no indecisiveness.

It’s like we knew exactly what the other wants, what she is thinking.

It’s like we’re both in charge.

She takes a few steps forward as I take a few backwards until we get to her bed.

I sit while she remains standing.

We stay still for a few seconds to admire each other, as we were not able to realize that this is actually happening, that the happiness that we have found is real.

She seats on my legs as she takes my face between her hands and kisses me.

We are in complete harmony.

I take her shirt off.

Now we are skin against skin; more in contact, more free.

We’re on our knees on the bed; my face in her hands, her body in my arms.

I let my hands find her bra and untie it.

I wait for her to do the same and then we separate.

We look into each other eyes for a silent consent to proceed.

Together we take our bras off and let them fall next to us.

We immediately get back kissing now even more free and lager for contact.

Slowly I make Clarke lay on the bed.

I get on top of her.

I leave slow and gentle kisses on her lips, on her shoulders, on her neck, on her collarbone, on her chest as I leave my hand travel on her body.

Slowly, my hand gets to her pants.

I unbutton her jeans and as I kiss her with passion I take them off of her.

Then, I slowly do the same with her panties.

My fingers brush her skin in a slow and sensual way.

I limit myself to tease her, to give her a microscopic peak.

Simple movements, mine.

Simple but effective, precise.

Her body reacts to my every single touch.

Her hands travel on my body until they get to my hips and low my pants.

I help her take my remaining clothes off, we move as fast as two little girls unwrapping christmas presents.

We take a moment, both laying on a side looking at each other, to realise that we actually have no clothing on, feeling the energy that radiates from our bodies.

She kisses my passionately to restore the action.

My hand slowly finds its way on her body, reaches her intimacy and brushes her clitoris making Clarke quiver with pleasure.

His hand joins mine and this time I'm the one being teased.

It is as if we were both trying to learn to play the piano, as if one shyly tried to play a note and the other did the same.

I kiss her passionately as I put my finger in her.

I slowly let my finger in and out while I feel her body react to my movements.

She puts a finger in me so suddenly that I almost get caught by surprise.

We both move in and out of each other, gradually and slightly increasing the speed.

We continue to kiss, also letting moans escape into each other's mouth.

She lets a second finger enter me, pulling a slightly louder moan than the previous ones and I do the same with her.

Our fingers begin to go faster and faster, the little shocks that go through our bodies become stronger and more frequent, our breaths heavier, our hearts faster.

Everything seems to disappear, we seem to be transported to another dimension.

A dimension where only us, our naked bodies, our passionate kiss, electric shocks and our hands exist.

Nothing matters more than the intense pleasure that increases more and more until it reaches its climax.

We part our lips, let go of our hands and savor this intense pleasure as much as we can.

I leave a tender kiss on Clarke's shoulder and then we stay there: in her bed, lying on her side looking at us and smiling happy and relaxed.

“Let me go with you” I say by instinct, taking even myself by surprise.

“Lexa, you know that you can’t” she says, she tries to gently dissuade me and at the same time she tries to ride the pain that she is feeling.

“That’s not true, yes I can. You can’t say no to me” I say trying to convince her.

“Instead I must. You have to stay, it’s the right thing to do” her eyes, as mine, are lucid.

“And why is that?” I ask, keeping my pain at bay.

“Because it was me who ruined everything, it’s only fair for me to pay the price” she says and looks down.

“It’s not true, you know damn well that it was me” I admit.

Tonight is a special night.

Clarke and I have been together for four months now, we have recently taken a big step and tonight she is going to present me to her friends.

I’m so proud of her.

She hasn't said anything to anyone about her feelings for girls and I know from experience how difficult it is to admit it, especially in front of you friends.

I’m happy that she got the courage to do it.

“Hey, guys” she says as we get to the benches where two boys and two girls are sitting and chatting.

“Hey Clarke” says the girl with the wavy hair.

“What are you doing?” asks the blonde watching the boys arm-wrestling.

“Raven believes that Bellamy can’t beat Murphy, my big brother is proving her wrong” explains the raven-haired girl.

“Actually it is Murphy who is proving you and Bellamy wrong, go Team Cockroach!” exclaims the girl with the long Brown hair collected into a ponytail.

“Team Cockroach?” I ask Clarke, confused.

“Hey Clarke, who’s this girl?” asks the blarck-haired boy, he seems fatigued, but he also seems more focussed in not showing it than in winning.

“Oh, this is Lexa” Clarke presents me, trying to use her tone of voice to pass her forgetfulness as an oversight.

‘my girlfriend’ I expect to hear, but Clarke doesn’t say those words.

“And how do you know each other?” asks the brown-haired guy.

“I tutor her” answers Clarke quickly.

‘And she is my girlfriend’ I hope she adds.

But she doesn’t.

Why doesn’t she do it?

I look at her inquiringly but before she can even see me the brown haired boy wins the arm wrestling match and he and Raven high five to the cry of ‘Yes! Go Team Cockroach!’.

Clarke and I sit on the bench with them and we spend an overall pleasing evening.

We laugh, we joke, I make some new friends and learn that Murphy and Raven are a couple and the all ‘cockroach thing’ comes from the fact that she used to call him like that since they couldn’t stand each other.

I had fun, I certainly can’t complain about this evening but I would have had more fun if I knew why Clarke hasn’t said who I am to her.

If she wanted more time she could have simply said that to me.

At some point Raven turns in my direction and looks at me.

“Why are you staring at me?” I ask

She is studying me like I am a strange creature; she makes me feel weird, almost uncomfortable if I have to be honest.

“It’s just that it is weird” she says studino me like I’m an alien.

“What’s weird?” I ask trying to hide the growing discomfort.

“That you are Clarke’s friend” 

This statement hits me like a grand piano on the head, but I keep attinge like it’s nothing and ask: “And why is that?”.

“Because you're so different from un, usually Clarke doesn’t go out with people like you”

“Li-like me?” I ask, the situation just keeps getting worse.

“Yes, like, I mean: You seem to be such a shy and quiet person; the classic girl who prefers staying at home than having fun going out. You are basically the exact opposite of the type of person Clarke likes going out with” she explains.

“And that is a bad thing?” I ask shyly as I feel as if my internal organs were collapsing.

“No! Absolutely! On the contrary, I think you’re pretty cool. It’s just a bit strange, that’s all” she says and smiles at me as if she was asking me if everything is okay.

I smile at her in the most convincing way i’m able to and she turns to her friends resuming talking to them as all that insecurity that with Clarke has been so easy to forget comes back to oppress me and I can’t help but thinking that this is the exact reason why she hasn’t said that I’m her girlfriend.

Clarke is ashamed of me.

“It was all my fault, if I hadn’t let Raven’s words get into my head…things might be different now” I say feeling sorry.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I should have presented you the right way, You’ve done nothing wrong. And even if you did, it surely isn't worse than what I did after” she says with my same tone of voice.

“Hey, gorgeous. How you doin’?” I ask as I enter her room and leave a little kiss on her lips.

We still haven’t talked about the other night, we are basically competing for who’s the most scade to bring up the subject.

Clarke is sitting on the edge of the bed, her eyes are looking down.

“What? Has the cat eaten your tongue?” I ask even if I am starting to get worried as I sit in front of her.

Clarke doesn’t answer, she keeps staring into the void and her eyes are watery.

“Hey, is everything alright?” I ask definitely worried taking her hands into mine.

“No, everything is not fine” by the tone of her voice she looks like she is about to cry.

“What happened?” 

“Do you remember when you’ve said that I should talk to my mother?” she asks after putting herself together a little.

I nod.

“Well, I did it”

“But that’s amazing! I’m proud of you. And what did she say?” I ask not understanding where the problem is.

“She’s said that she is willing to give our relationship. try but she wants something in return” she says, it seems that she gets stabbed to the heart with every word she says.

“That seems amazing, and what does she want?”

“She wants permission to accept the job as chief of neurosurgery at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami” she says and then looks at me, in her eyes you can see how sad and clueless about what to do she is.

Saying that I feel like the earth has disappeared from under my feet would be a euphemism.

I don’t feel anything.

I feel so bad that I am not even able to feel something about it.

“And when are you supposed to move there?” I ask, feeling my throat suddenly closing.

“Two weeks from now”

“Two weeks? So little?! No, that’s not possible. There must be something that we can do>” I say, trying to distract myself from believing that this is really happening by thinking of a solution.

“No, there isn’t, believe me” she says desolate.

She feels bad, which makes me feel bad even more.

“And your mother forces you to move to the other side of the country even if you have your girlfriend here? Great way to start building back your relationship!” I exclaim, this whole situation is absurde.

I look at her and she gives me a rather guilty look.

At the beginning I don’t understand why, then a horrible thought invades my mind.

“Wait, you’ve told her that you have a girlfriend, haven’t you?” I ask, I feel like I have a thorn in my heart.

She looks at me in silente for a few seconds, my heart is about to explode pushing the thorn deeper and deeper.

“No” she says guiltily, looking me right in the eyes.

My heart shatters like a piece of glass stuck by an arrow.

I Interrupt the contact between our hands which has suddenly become oppressing and I get up.

“Let’s see if I understand this. Your mother basically forces you to move to the opposite angle of the country, which means that we Will probably never see eachother again, and you don’t even try a little bit to fight for us” I ask hurt.

She doesn't answer, she just looks at me with a broken look. 

The wound on my chest keeps on burning, it hurts so much that I can’t hear anything else, not even my thoughts.

<> I ask blinded by pain looking at her right in the eyes.

She looks at me and is about to cry, but nothing comes out of her mouth.

Not a word.

Unbelievable.

More hurt than even i simply look at her shaking my head bewildered and disappointed before leaving without looking back.

“I shouldn’t have said those things; it’s just that I was so afraid of losing you, like now” I apologize.

“I know” she says and leaves me a little kiss on the lips.

“Let me go with you, please” I try again.

“Lexa no, I can’t let you do that” she says firmly, I look at her in the eyes and know that refusing me hurts her more than me.

“Why not?” I ask not seeing why.

“You know perfectly well why” she says and sadly it is true.

It’s been five days since Lexa has left.

We haven’t spoken.

She ignores me in class and in the hallways she changes direction the moment she sees me.

I know that she is hurt and rightfully so, but I miss her.

I miss her so much that I can’t breathe.

I keep reliving that moment in my head on repeat.

I keep seeing her confused and hurt asking me for an explanation and me not saying anything.

I wanted to answer, I wanted to say something but at that moment all my words seemed to have no credibility and so I didn't say anything.

What a fool I have been.

I had finally found someone who gave meaning to my life and who truly cared for me…and I’ve ruined everything.

I will never forgive myself.

The phone rings, it’s certainly Octavia who wants to know the homework for history.

I don’t answer.

I don’t want to talk to anybody.

Three rings later I decide to answer.

I pick up the phone and find four missed calls and one voice mail but they are not from Octavia: they are Lexa’s. 

Relieved and full of joy I call her right back but she is unavailable so I listen to the voicemail.

“Hi, Clarke. I’ve tried to call you but you don’t answer, you're probably studying. Anyways I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for the ways things have gone, I wish I could fix them. Let’s meet at the park near my house at four o’clock this afternoon. If you’ll be there I’ll know we can get through everything, if you won’t I’ll know it’s over for good between us”

The message ends and I start to dry, but these are tears of joy.

Lexa wants to give me a second chance, I feel as light as a feather.

Everything will be okay, I’m sure of it.

I look at the clock: it’s three p.m., better if I leave in thirty minutes; my house it’s pretty far from hers, I don't wanna risk arriving late.

...

I’ve spent the last half an hour sharing at the clock in the hope that it would go faster snd when it pointed three thirty I’ve grabbed my phone and keys and flown out the door.

The park is ten minutes from Lexa's house, always going straight, which is more or less the same path that I have to do, only that first I have to walk a long way and turn right after crossing the crosswalk that is two minutes from Lexa's apartment.

I have a strange feeling.

I mean, I am hopeful that everything is going to get better between me and Lexa but at the sale time I have a strange feeling that I can’t explain.

I’m agitated: I am really close to the street that her and I have in common, there’s the possibility that we may see each other walking at this point.

I arrive in front of the pedestrian crossing, the street light is red.

I look up and I see her: Lexa, she is going to the park.

I feel my heart do a somersault and I feel so light that I think I could detach myself from the ground at any moment.

“Lexa!” I call her.

She turns and when she finds me I see all the emotions that I’ve just felt reflected in her eyes.

Instinctively she runs towards me.

The strange feeling gets stronger.

It all happens in a few seconds: I hear a noise in the distance, I look to the left and see it, I look in front of me and see Lexa running towards me, my eyes widen as my heart stops in my chest, I run to Lexa and push her away at the exact moment an out of control truck hits me.

Clarke pushes me away and in the moment I don't understand why then I hear a truck hits me and make me fly several meters, making me land violently on the asphalt.

For a moment everything stops.

I don’t hear anything, not even the noises.

I barely know where I am and what has happened, actually it feels like I don’t even know that.

Everything is so confused.

Then, as it had begun, the moment ends.

I hear several noises of cars and people around me.

I feel pain in every single part of my body.

I don’t have the strength to get up.

Clarke!

My thoughts go straight to her and it gives me the strength to, not without effort, stand up.

My head is spinning so bad, for a moment I’m afraid I’ll pass out, or vomit, or both.

I try to look around me, the pain in my body is so strong that for a moment the tears blur my sight.

But I force myself and concentrate to send them away, I have to find Clarke now.

I see a figure not far from the wreck of the truck that has hit the traffic light, it must surely be her.

I ignore the pain and, struggling, I try to run to her.

As soon as I get close to her, I kneel beside her.

She is unconscious.

“Clarke! Clarke!” I call her terrified.

There’s blood everywhere on her body, marks of the tires on her clothes, through a hole in her shirt her skin seems to be turning purple and I don't like the position of some of her joints at all.

“Clarke! Clarke wake up! Open your eyes! Please! Clarke!” I say crying, scared to death of having Lost her.

I don’t know what to do! 

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Desperate I try to do a heart massage even if I don't know how to do it.

“L-Lexa” I hear her faint voice say my name.

“Clarke!” I exclaim taking my hands off of her chest and feeling the luckiest person on the planet.

“You’re alive! Thank God you’re alive!” I say as I start to cry to vent the terror I just felt at the thought of having lost her.

Without thinking about it I kiss her.

The cuts on our lips tingle and bother us but it doesn't matter.

Clarke is alive, that’s the only thing that matters.

“I-I came, see?” she says faintly and forces a smile.

“Yes, I did. You’ve been amazing, love. But now don't force yourself: we are going to the hospital, okay?” I say starting to hear the ambulance sirens.

I look at her and smile at her while I gently stroke her head.

“Everything will be fine you'll see” I say both to her and me.

The paramedics arrive and I walk away to let them work.

They load her into an ambulance and then try to get me on another but I object and I force them to let me go with her, I have no intention of losing sight of her even for a second.

...

I am sitting on a stool, the doctors have disinfected and sutured all my wounds.

Clarke is lying next to me under a white sheet.

She's dead.

It wasn't enough.

Taking her to the hospital as a red code, not waiting for parental consent, operating her without even going to the operating room, the continuous resuscitations.

It wasn't enough.

Clarke fainted in the ambulance and never recovered.

Too many internal fractures, too many internal hemorrhages, too extensive brain damage; apparently it's a miracle that she regained consciousness when I found her.

Clarke is dead, she is gone.

Her mother works in this hospital, they tried to call her to tell her but she is still operating.

They let me stay with her in this emergency room until she arrives.

I don't believe it, I can't get over it.

How can she be dead?

How can this have happened?

How can she be dead while I’m fine?

I want to see her.

I get up with the intention of removing the sheet and seeing her face but I can't do it.

As soon as I get up I feel weak.

The room starts spinning so hard that all things begin to merge with each other.

I am reminded of something Clarke once said about adrenaline.

I'm not fine, I have never been fine, but all the adrenaline caused by the fear of losing Clarke and wanting to save her made me believe otherwise; now that she is dead my body no longer has any reason to be on alert, the adrenaline is no longer in my system which is therefore failing.

It almost seems that the air has acquired a weight with which it is oppressing me more and more until it crushes me against the floor, I can no longer breathe and I feel more and more tired.

The last thing I hear is a blow to the head, then I pass out.

When I open my eyes I'm in a park.

On the green lawn are laying withered leaves yellowed by the autumn...

“Let me go with you” I beg her for the third time.

“But Lexa you cannot do that! I am dead, you cannot go with me” she says.

“Yes I can, actually! I’m in a coma which basically means I am between life and death. I can choose to let myself die, we can be together forever” I say to her and I really think so.

“Do you realise what you’re saying? It’s your life we're talking about!” she exclaims.

“A life that is meaningless without you!” I declare.

“Don’t say that” she says looking me in the eyes.

“And why shouldn’t I? I don’t have any friends. You are the most important thing in my life, what I feel for you I’ve never felt for anyone else. What will become of me if I lose you?” I vent on the verge of crying.

“And what about your mother? If you die you’ll destroy her” 

“I know” I reappraise myself.

“It’s not fair, I don’t want to lose” I say, a tear streams down my face.

“Neither do I” she says and she holds me in her arms.

“I want to apologize” she says after a few minutes.

“For what?” I ask loosening the hug so I can look at her.

“For the way I treated you with my friends” she explains.

“Don’t worry Clarke, you don’t…” I start bui she interrupts me.

“No, let me finish. I’m sorry for not saying that you are my girlfriend. I should have told them but the fact is that I got scared. I got scared because I was afraid that they’d tell me What I already knew: that I don’t deserve you. You are so kind and caring and loving; you have done so much for me and I have not even been able to tell my mother and friends about you” she admits.

“I want to apologize too” I declare.

“And for what?” she asks.

“For the way I reacted when I learned about Miami. I didn't think what I said; I only said it because I was afraid of losing you, like now. It’s just that after what Raven told me I thought you were ashamed of me” I explain.

“I could have never been ashamed of you. You are very different from my friends, it’s true; but I am different from them too. It’s always been us five since elementary school, we’ve grown up together only that I have changed, they have not. I too was outgoing as a child and had a loud personality but over the years I have done nothing but shut in myself. There is practically nothing that binds me to them now, we have nothing in common, but I always pretended it wasn't true and when I was with them I always pretended that I hadn't changed because they are my only friends and I didn't want to lose them, I'm fond of them. You know, you and I are very similar, I think that's why we are so good together: we make each other feel understood. We are both very shy and insecure, the only difference is that you accepted it and I didn't” she explains and then looks at me to understand what I think.

“You’re probably thinking that I'm talking nonsense” she says hinting an embarrassed smile as she brings his gaze to her fingers that are playing with some strands of my hair.

She is so sweet.

“No, actually” I say and she stops what she is doing to look at me a bit incredulous.

“I don't think you are talking nonsense, I think you are right and I want you to know that it's not true that I don't deserve you because insecurity is not the only thing we have in common: you too are kind, caring and lovely. You are a fantastic person, you make all my insecurities disappear, with you I feel strong and that's why I love you” I declare myself.

“You love me?” she asks incredulous, I can see her eyes getting shiny.

“Yes” a smile appears on my lips as my eyes get shiny too.

“I love you too. You made me understand how it feels to have someone who cares for you unconditionally and for this I will be forever infinitely grateful” she says.

We kiss as silent tears of commotion stream down our faces.

We remain silent to embrace each other as if we were each other's refuge.

“I don't want to leave you” I say after a while, letting the fear flow through my veins.

Clarke releases her hug and looks at me lovingly.

“I don't want it either, but you have to” he says.

We both want to cry and never stop, but we both barely hold back the tears to be strong for the other.

“This isn’t fair, we were supposed to have all the time in the world” not crying right now is the most difficult thing that I have ever done.

“And instead we only have a few seconds” she hints a smile because of the irony of the universe.

I stop fighting and let the tears flow down my face.

My heart is broken.

The girl I love is dead and I have to let her go.

It's all so real and it hurts so much.

And there is only one choice I can make.

“H-How does it work?” I ask the moment I manage to calm down enough to say something.

“How does it work what?” she asks confused.

“How do I wake up?” 

“I don’t know, I guess you have to let me go” she says looking me in the eyes, she knows that these are not easy words for me to hear.

“Alright, I’ll do it” I say and between a tear and another, with my heart torn with pain, I focus on letting Clarke go.

Time passes but she doesn't disappear the more I try the more I get agitated.

I am afraid of giving up.

I'm afraid to give up because I know that if I do it, I won't have the courage to let her go to try it again.

My heart is pounding and my hands are sweating and I can't concentrate.

“I can’t do it!” I exclaim in panic.

“Don’t worry, just trust me” she says as she takes my face in her hands and then kisses me.

I let go of the fear, I let go of the pain.

I let this moment only concern us, only our saying goodbye.

And it is at this very moment that I feel that there's something different: I am letting go.

“I love you”

“I love you too and don't worry: I will always be with you”

She smiles at me reassuringly as she continues to show herself strong for me in a way that makes me love her even more and then we keep kissing, my lips shaking from crying.

In a short time everything is swallowed by the light.

I open my eyes and I am in a hospital room.

Sunlight comes in from the windows, you can hear the sound of the monitor checking my heart rate and my mother is sleeping in the chair, her upper body is resting on my mattress and on my legs.

I look around.

It's all over.

Now I am in the real world.

Now I am in a world where the only thing that remains of the love of my life is the phone case that she has made for me.

**Author's Note:**

> Author Space:
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the One Shot.
> 
> I am very happy to have resumed posting and to have managed to finish a story, for once (lol).
> 
> I hope my English is good enough, this is the first time I translate one of my stories in Italian.
> 
> That's all, thank you for being with me, leave a comment if you want and see you next time.
> 
> Peace Out.
> 
> Greta


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